A few days ago, I came across an interesting discussion on Quora. It started with a simple question: Is it true that men are not attracted to women who are ambitious? I think this is one of those questions for which each person has a different answer. The discussion I read was around the answer a guy gave: Here are two comments he received. Answer 1: Answer 2: Can you see what happened here? They were all trying to express their point of view, but in different ways, so they were not understanding each other’s points. Sometimes they were even saying the same thing, but they didn’t realize it. There is a little bit of truth in all those comments, but also some inaccuracies.
The Guy’s Answer
What the guy was trying to say in his answer is that men can be attracted to ambitious women, but with one condition: to be attractive to a man, an ambitious woman also has to be feminine and avoid the “I -can-do-it-all-alone” attitude. However, here’s where I don’t agree with his answer. He said that to be attractive, a woman must want a relationship and focus on being feminine as well. That’s what he likes, not what all men like. And a woman can’t “focus on being feminine,” she either is feminine or she isn’t. You can’t fake masculine or feminine energy. Also, he said that most career-driven women are too strong, independent and masculine. This is not accurate, in fact, this is his perception of something he doesn’t like. Many of those career-focused women he talks about may be very strong, and even masculine, but it’s not most of them. Also, there are plenty of women who are successful, career-driven and ambitious, but know how to shift from their masculine to their feminine energy when they go back home.
What Women Said
The first woman who replied had misunderstood the guy’s answer, and replied that a woman doesn’t need to “bake cookies” to be considered feminine. True, I totally agree. However, the guy who answered the initial question didn’t say anything like that. The second woman said something I liked, “I’ve always been ambitious, but I’m also 100% feminine. When I come home I can be the woman any man would desire. It’s all in one diamond package.” This is actually the same idea the guy was trying to convey. He was trying to say men like ambitious women who are feminine as well — the problem is how he said that and the words he used affected how other people understood the message.
What Some Women Don’t Understand
What some women don’t understand is they can be ambitious and pursue the career of their dreams and still be perceived as feminine and attract masculine, high-quality men. (Of course they can!) They don’t have to be scared of being career-driven, they won’t repulse men only by being determined and enthusiastic about their career. There are many career-driven women who wonder why they can’t find a man. The reality is they often have this “I-don’t-need-a-man-I-can-do-everything-on-my-own” attitude, which is a turn off to most men. In short, the problem lies in this mindset they have. Men do like independent women — if you think about it, they complain all the time if their wife or girlfriend is clingy. While a woman who is focused on her passions and job and gives them plenty of space is highly attractive to them. They don’t like women who are too independent and never make them feel needed or helpful. They love to help because it makes them feel masculine — which helps them feel attracted to a woman. Women who tend to be very strong and independent and struggle to find a man may have to just work on this attitude, and let men help them when they offer to do it.
What Some Men Don’t Understand
Men often say they don’t like independent women. However, they also say they don’t like needy women. This is what they say they don’t like, which is not necessarily what actually turns them off. And what men tend to like — a lot — are women who are independent without overdoing it. They love strong, independent women who are also feminine and make them feel needed. The problem is they don’t always put this correctly into words and only say that “ambitious women turn them off.”
What Everyone Should Understand
Here’s something important to understand about how masculine and feminine energy — and attraction — work. As I explained in another article, we all have both masculine and feminine energy, however, we tend to be more aligned to one over the other and to attract those who hold the opposite one. Feminine energy is about being playful, soft and nurturing, opening up, receiving, and letting your partner lead. It’s about being able to be vulnerable. Masculine energy instead, is all about accomplishing goals, making things happen, solving problems. Depending on the situation we’re in, our energy can change. In fact, as coach Adrienne Everheart explains, our energy shifts very often. This is why it’s completely normal for a woman to tap into her masculine energy when she’s pursuing her goals — whether she’s studying or working. That doesn’t make her unattractive. And, going back to the question I found on Quora — “Is it true that men don’t feel attracted to women who are ambitious?” — here’s what differentiate an ambitious woman who attracts men from an ambitious woman who turns them off: We can make an example for men as well. If a man occasionally taps into his feminine energy, it doesn’t mean his leading energy is feminine. If he’s opening up or being vulnerable with his girlfriend or wife, that doesn’t make him less attractive to her. In fact, that allows him to connect more deeply with her.
“Are men really attracted to ambitious women?” – Bottom Line
We all hold both masculine and feminine energy, however, in each person one is stronger than the other. The more opposed the leading energies between two people are, the stronger the attraction will be in that relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that if someone occasionally displays our same energy we find them unattractive. The level of attraction between two people significantly diminishes only if they hold the same leading energy. Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash Get access to exclusive self-improvement and relationships content, subscribe to my free newsletter here.
