Few things are worse than first-date silence. Knowing a few great conversation-starters and knowing how to use them during a date can improve your dating experiences. However, there is something even more effective than conversation-starters: follow-up questions. These are questions that can make conversations deeper because by using them, you encourage the other person to share more details about what they are already talking about. To say it another way, you encourage them to talk more about what they actually want to talk about — usually themselves. Asking follow-up questions is a great way to put into practice what Dale Carnegie once said: “Talk to someone about themselves, and they’ll listen for hours.” If we apply this to dates, we can talk to someone about themselves by simply asking to share more details. And follow-up questions are the best way to encourage someone to share more about themselves. Another reason why asking follow-up questions can be beneficial is to understand the person in front of you better; you want to know who they are. And according to an article published in Harvard Business Review, the key to understanding people lies in follow-up questions. What follows are some simple yet powerful follow-up questions that can help you make conversations more interesting and engaging during a date.
1. Is This Something You Would Like to Do For a Living? How Would That Feel?
When your date is talking about their greatest hobby, passion, or whatever makes them tick, great follow-up questions you can ask are: Is this something you would like to do for a living? How would that be? If you encourage someone to think big, you also encourage them to visualize their dreams and what they want to achieve. As AJ Adams, MAPP mentions in an article published in Psychology Today, visualization is powerful. It’s been found that mental practices like visualization can enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, and prime your brain for success. As a result, by focusing the conversation on your date and their dreams, you also awaken their motivation and give a boost to their self-confidence. And this improves their dating experience with you. Because this way you make them feel good around you.
2. Interesting. Tell Me More.
Technically, this is not a question, I know. However, a simple tell me more is a great way to ask for more details and let someone talk more about themselves. As I recently mentioned in an article in Publishous, I’ve noticed that any time I’m talking to someone, and they reply with something like “Interesting, tell me more!” I feel comfortable in their company. Because I feel they are genuinely interested in what I’m sharing with them. I don’t know about you, but I find a simple tell me more is always a great way to make a conversation more meaningful. The reason behind this is most of us are used to people who redirect conversations to themselves. When someone asks us to share more details instead of talking about themselves, it generally makes them stand out in our minds.
3. Why?
“Why do you think you felt that way?” “And why did you take that decision?” “So, why don’t you apply for that job?” Asking these questions when your date is talking about something that happened to them can help you have a deeper, more meaningful conversation with them. And, as Jenn Granneman mentioned in an article published in Psychology Today, going deep in conversations is actually good for us. In her article, Granneman also refers to a study conducted by the University of Arizona, according to which happiness can be increased by facilitating meaningful conversations.
4. How?
This is a great question to ask when your date is talking about their goals or future plans. In this case, by asking how you encourage the other person to talk more about something that inspires and motivates them: their future; this way, you also show a genuine interest in their goals and what makes them tick. To say it another way, by asking how, you allow them to share more details about something they truly care about. That is, their goals and their long-term plans. Also, by asking how, you encourage the other person to open up (obviously, if they are willing to answer), which, according to Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W., can make a conversation deeper.
5. What About You?
This isn’t a typical follow-up question, as you usually ask this after you have talked about yourself — and not after the other person said something about themselves. However, it’s a great way to make the conversation more engaging and stand out in your date’s mind because you will redirect the conversation to them — which is something most people are not used to. In fact, as Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., explains in an article published in Psychology Today, most of us are used to people who keep talking about themselves or redirect conversations to themselves. With a simple “What about you?”, you can refocus the attention on the person in front of you and allow them to share something new about themselves. And this will probably make them feel good around you. Recommended read: 10 Best Conversation Starters for Tinder (or Bumble) That Will Help You Stand Out
First Date Questions: Final Thoughts
To keep a conversation flowing on a date, you can focus on the other person by asking questions such as “What about you?” “How did you do that?” Follow-up questions can improve your dating experience and, most importantly, can make you more interesting during a date. A simple “Why?” or “Tell me more” can make someone feel good around you because you allow them to share more about themselves. And making others feel good around you is the first step to connect with them truly. Image: iStock
