There should be a manual of dating code so we wouldn’t have to spend so much time trying to decipher what, if anything, actions or words truly mean. There’s the thing they’re saying, the thing they’re not saying, and everything we’re meant to read between the lines. It’s no wonder that dating is so frustrating. Few people are straightforward enough with their communication to navigate relationships without having the “do they or don’t they” dialogue in their heads.
Your Mixed Feelings Don’t Mean He’s Giving Mixed Signals
The truth is that having mixed feelings doesn’t mean he’s giving mixed signals. The signals are probably clear. We just don’t always want to see them and accept them for what they truly mean. We tell ourselves a fairy tale instead. We assign roles. And we ignore the inconvenient truth. For a little while, it seems like it works. But the truth always comes spilling out.
13 Obvious Signs He Doesn’t Want Anyone Else to Have You
There are some pretty obvious signs that he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. Let’s review just a few of them.
He Gives You All the Attention Until You Fall for Him
The man who doesn’t want anyone else to have you will give you all the attention you could ever want — until you fall for him. He showers you with affection, but the second you’re hooked, he’s lost interest and moving on. He needs the chase and the illusion of acquisition, but once he’s gotten that ego hit, he’ll move on to chase the next one. The hot and cold pattern is a mixed signal, but once it goes from hot to cold, the message is clear. He doesn’t want to invest in the relationship. He only wants what he doesn’t yet have.
He Doesn’t Want to Commit but Doesn’t Want You to Date Anyone Else
He would like the relationship to be open — on his side. He wants to continue to date, but he would like you to be exclusively his. He prefers that you not call him “boyfriend” or any other committed term, but he doesn’t want you seeing anyone else either. In fact, he might monopolize your free time to make it harder for you to date anyone else, but in his free time, he does what he wants with whom he wants. You’re not supposed to question it, but he regularly inquires if you’re seeing anyone with blatant overtones that it wouldn’t be okay if you were.
He Stalks You on Social Media
Despite being pretty specific about not wanting to make your relationship Facebook official, he’s happy to stalk you on social media. He’ll like your pictures — as long as they don’t show any other men. He’ll engage just enough to let you know he’s watching but not enough that anyone will mistake his interest for being that of a significant other. He’s watching your stories and sending you DMs, but otherwise, he’s fine moving on with other people. He likes to stay in the loop as long as he can do so in an unofficial capacity.
He Love Bombs You When You Show Interest in Someone Else
You finally begin to get out from under his thumb and even show interest in someone else. You’ve met someone or want to meet someone, and he’s immediately available to you again. In fact, expect him to love bomb you with enthusiasm to turn your attention back his way. Suddenly, you’ll remember exactly why you feel for him. Take note, however. If you fall for him again and lose interest in the other person, you’ll find that he ghosts or fades away just like he did before. He’s only making himself available because he feels your shift in interest and doesn’t want to lose it for himself.
He Assesses Your Past Relationships
He asks a lot of questions about your past relationships. It seems like he really cares and is interested in getting to know you. The truth is more complex. He wants to know about the men you dated because he needs to assess your vulnerabilities and theirs. He can’t be better than them if he doesn’t know how they failed. He can’t show up for you in the ways you need if he doesn’t know what they are. This is intel-gathering, not an idle conversation.
He Doesn’t Like You to Have Male Friends
He thinks all your friends are great — as long as they aren’t other men. He’s far too jealous to be relaxed with you hanging out with men who are friends. He’s likely to crash your friend date or keep texting to keep tabs on you when you’re out with them. The trust is not strong with this one. He hasn’t committed to you, but he doesn’t want anyone else getting a foot in the door either.
He’s Dating but Still Keeps Tabs on You
You know he’s dating someone new. Yet, he still keeps tabs on you. He asks mutual friends about you, creeps on your Instagram reels, and watches every single TikTok you post. He’s constantly checking in even while posting loved up selfies with his new sweetie. This is another clear sign that he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. He’s keeping an eye on what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with, and he’s not even trying to hide it.
He Pops into Your DMs Whenever You Try to Move On
Just as soon as you post your own loved-up selfie, he pops into your DMs. In fact, every time you’re in full glow-up mode, there he is — reminding you that he still exists and still has a hold over you. Every time you try to move on, he’s quick to step up and show you a little attention. He might even play on your shared memories with a walk down memory lane or check in with you on a special date just so you know he remembered. It’s manipulative, but it often works.
He’s an Overachiever in the Bedroom
You may have noticed that the man who doesn’t want anyone else to have you can be a bit of an overachiever in the bedroom. He’s not saving up any of his skills for later. He’s trying to impress you and keep you coming back for more. He’s developed the skills he needs to keep you engaged in the relationship. He knows that luring you back in requires that he keep the chemistry hot and heavy. He’s bringing his A game so that you don’t go looking for someone else to satisfy you.
He Pulls You Back Any Time You Try to Pull Away
Every time you get tired of his commitment-phobe ways, he makes renewed effort to pull you back in. You’re almost free, and suddenly, he’s apologized for those things he wouldn’t even admit to before. He confesses his feelings. He even shares something particularly vulnerable that’ll have you feeling for him. You are being played. Every time you try to leave, he pulls you back in, but if you want to stay, he’ll leave. Every single time. He’s interested in playing cat and mouse. He doesn’t want to play house. He has no interest in the kind of relationship you want to have, but he’s also afraid to lose you to someone who can give you what you want.
He Dismisses Committed Relationships
This man has a carefully scripted argument about relationships. He can tell you why he doesn’t support labels or the institution of marriage. It all sounds good and reasonable when he says it, and you believe he has the right to feel that way. The problem is that he tries to convince you to dismiss your desire for a relationship so he can have his cake and eat it, too. He wants you on board with his “no commitment” philosophy because it works for him. Of course, he’ll want your side to be exclusive while he’s the free spirit of the relationship. Basically, everything needs to be on his terms, and he continually dismisses the idea of relationships every time you bring them up.
He’s Getting His Needs Met So He Dismisses Yours
This is an extension of dismissing committed relationships. He’s a man who is getting his needs met. He enjoys the status quo. Your leaving would not be enjoyable for him. If you date someone else, that would be even more uncomfortable. His needs are being met, so he discounts yours. It probably hurts to realize that he’s okay with you being unhappy as long as he’s happy with how things are going. He wants to have the experience of a relationship with you without the title, commitment, accountability, or responsibility. He wants to have an open door to come in and out of your life, and he doesn’t want you to do anything as freeing as move on and fall in love with someone who’ll be all in right along with you.
He’s Jealous of the People You Date
Another key factor of the man who doesn’t want you dating anyone else is that he shows jealousy to the people you date. If you’ve managed to break free of him enough to start dating others, you’ll notice that he can’t quite cover his anger and jealousy. Does he play the role of the victim? That’s pretty normal. He wants you to feel bad for seeing other people even if he didn’t want to commit to you. He needs you to feel like you’re doing something wrong, so he doesn’t lose you and no one else has you either.
What To Do When You See the Signs
If this sounds like someone you know and/or love, you need to decide where you go from here. He’s not sending you mixed signals. These signals are as clear as it gets. It’s time to face the truth and make a decision with both eyes open.
Love yourself enough to move on.Take yourself to therapy to process the relationship.Assign an accountability buddy who will help you cut off your relationship with him.Block him if he keeps trying to reel you back in. Block him if he stalks you on social media.Don’t respond to his messages when he’s in a relationship or when you are. Identify what it is you want for relationships and then stick to your guns.Be uncompromising in your boundaries.Learn to say no and mean it.
The man who doesn’t want anyone else to have you probably has legitimate feelings for you. He does care, but he’s too immature and selfish to offer you the commitment you want. He might even love you a little but not enough to stop doing the things that hurt you. If he truly loved you, he would want you to be happy — even if it’s not with him. He wouldn’t want you to be hurting. He would want you to have everything it is that you want out of life and relationships. A man in love is not going to treat you like the yo-yo he plays with only when someone else wants it. He will cherish you and let you know it. Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
