It’s a well-known fact that most Tinder accounts are absolutely flooded with prospects. Not only do you have to worry about the potential for chemistry, connection, and shared values, but you also have to consider how to even stand out from the crowd of other interested singles.
Conversation Starters for Tinder to Help You Stand Out From the Crowd
With so many choices and so little time, it’s important to have a few conversation topics at the ready to have a snowball’s chance on a summer’s day in Georgia to make that love (or lust) connection. What follows are some great Tinder openers.
1. “I see you’re a plant parent, too! What’s your favorite plant, and what is one you’re hoping to add to your collection?”
This is one of the best conversation starters for Tinder. A lead-in like this shows that (1) you actually read their profile, (2) you found a shared interest, and (3) you’re capable of skipping the small talk and diving into a real conversation about a mutually interesting topic. It’s an attention grabber, and it shows that you took the time to find out a little bit about them before asking a question that could easily be answered if you actually read their profile first. You don’t have to be a plant enthusiast for this to work. Do they have a rescue pup, and you do too? Start there! Do they show a cause in their profile that’s near and dear to your heart? Did you notice that their skydiving picture could be a twin of your own? Honestly, it just takes a few seconds to find some commonality to start with. It might be a little more interesting than “hello”.
2. “Hey, I love live concerts, too. What’s the first concert you attended and the best one?”
Ted Lasso fans may have noticed that I borrowed this conversation starter. It works, doesn’t it? You’ll find out a lot about a person by asking about the first concert they went to — even if their tastes have changed over the years. My first concert? NSYNC. Not only does that information date me, but it says a lot about who I was at the time. It can also open the door to a rigorous NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys debate or a discussion about the validity of boy bands or girl groups in general. You’ll also get the chance to see if your musical interests are compatible and compare the best artists you’ve seen live. Who knows? Maybe you both attended the same concert at the same time and never even knew! You could even find that the best concert holds special meaning for them or comes attached to a hilarious story. You’ll never know unless you ask.
3. “Your theme song is one of my favorites. Want to swap playlists?”
Throw it back to a retro vibe by swapping playlists. You might even be able to make suggestions for each other for an old-school mixtape vibe. Musical interests can reveal a lot about you and your match, and there are so many different ways to lead into a conversation about your musical preferences. You can ask about favorite songs, why they chose a particular song for Tinder, or even which song got them through a particularly tough time in their life. Be creative, but most of all, actually be interested in learning the answer and not just sharing your own. Recommended read: 12 Quality Conversation Starters That Always Work
4. “I saw The Alchemist on your bookshelf. What did you think of it, and what are you reading now?”
Asking about books can yield two important pieces of information at a minimum. First, it’ll let you know whether they read or whether they use bestselling books as props. You think I’m making this up, but if you’ve ever visited a home with books that were for looks and not reading, you know it. I once had a date claim his favorite book was The Alchemist — which he quickly came to regret when I revealed I’d read most every book by Paulo Coelho and could discuss them in detail. It’s generally a bad idea to lie about your favorite book with a voracious reader. You’ll also learn a little about what they like to read and if they read regularly or not. You could find that you have similar tastes and can swap recommendations, or you might just find your tastes are dissimilar. That doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. In fact, it could add some zest to conversations when you swap genres and see what they love about it. Maybe it’s not for you, but it could open new interests or new avenues of conversation.
5. “What’s something positive you learned from your last relationship?”
There are a couple of good reasons to use this conversation starter. You’ll find out really quickly how they view past partners. If you’re treated to a negative ex-bashing session, you’ll have fair warning of what the future could be like if you date them and it doesn’t work out. Also, you’ll see just how accountable they’re capable of being for the relationships they chose. It also shows their growth mindset and allows you the opportunity to share your own as the conversation progresses. Maybe they figured out how to set better boundaries or learned the hard way that sometimes you can truly care about someone and still not belong with them. Maybe their favorite hobby now is something they learned from their ex. Or maybe they have nothing positive to say, and you can draw your own conclusions from that, too. Just keep in mind that any story you’re told is their side of the story only.
6. “If you could only have 3 apps on your phone, which would you choose and why?”
Only 3? This one might be tough, especially for those of us who have to continue to increase our storage capacity as new apps are added to the rotation. Still, it’s a great question. Maybe you find out that they love TikTok, Starbucks, and the Calm App. Okay, great — but why? This could open the door to so many fascinating conversations. If they tell you 3 dating apps in response, you might wonder if they are a hopeless romantic or an epic player, but at least the ice is broken. Every question you ask and every conversation you start is a chance to know them and to be known. Recommended read: 60+ Unique Fun Date Ideas for a Guaranteed Great Time (2022)
7. “I’m completely uninspired planning meals for this week. What are you making? Maybe it’ll give me a few ideas.”
If what they’re making is a delivery from their favorite restaurant, you might find out that they’re relaxing after a tough day or that they just don’t cook. There are any number of reasons that the nearest pizza place might get their business besides the fact that pizza is awesome. You might also get some true meal inspiration from someone who knows what they’re doing in the kitchen. Even if you find out that they aren’t the best or most creative cook, you can still lead into favorite meals, favorite restaurants, and even their preferred coffee or cocktail. This is the perfect setup to lead into a potential first meetup. Maybe you don’t feel a connection but get a good food recommendation — that works, too.
8. “Hey — what are you binge-watching now?”
This is probably one of the best conversation topics for Tinder. Everyone has a show that they’re binge-watching, right? You’ll find out what streaming service(s) they use and what kind of shows they like. Thinking back, I wish I would have asked this once with one of my former relationships. I would have quickly found out that he did little more than watch television for hours every single night, which didn’t really suit my lifestyle. What’s more, his watchlist wasn’t even compatible with mine, and there was no compromise. Asking about entertainment is a great way to gauge compatibility, share interests, and even talk about differences. It’s an opening into their world — and possibly an invitation into your own as you swap fandoms and share theories about the next season of whatever shows you both avidly follow. Even if it’s not a love connection, you might have the foundation for a friendship. Recommended read: 7 Signs of a Good, True Friend
9. “What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?”
Prepare yourself for hilarity or a cringe-inducing story. Most everyone has at least one date-gone-wrong story. I’ve told the one about the felon who melted down over margaritas a number of times. It’s a funny story — now that I’m not sitting there worrying about my safety and how to extricate myself from the date from hell. But it also shows how we treat other people. When I tell my date gone wrong story, I don’t brag about how mean I was to this guy who showed his absolute worst self (I assume) over the course of a meal. In fact, I was kind even as he escalated — many women do this for safety reasons, and I’m no exception. But I also had a lot of compassion for what I was seeing. I had the emotional maturity to know that I wasn’t about to hop onto that crazy train and see where it was going, but I didn’t have to be a jerk about it. I just got out of there as quick as I gracefully could — with a story to tell for another day. There is so much information you can glean from a worst date story if you’re paying attention.
10. “What topic could you give a TED Talk on with no advanced preparation?”
This is one of my favorite Tinder openers. It can be fun because you’ll learn about their knowledge base. Maybe they could easily lecture on disaster survival, sustainable living, or every Easter egg Taylor Swift has ever dropped on Twitter and what it means. You’ll get to know something about what they think they’re an expert in, and you might learn a little something about them and their preferred topic(s). It opens the door to unexpected conversations. The key to this one is to be curious rather than judging whatever they bring up. Maybe you don’t care about classic cars, but they could easily do an impromptu lecture series on classic car restoration and resale. Don’t be a jerk if it’s not your cup of tea. Keep looking for common interests, but be willing to learn something new, too.
Conversation Starters For Tinder – Final Thoughts
Tinder can be trying for the singles looking for true connection. So often, we send messages out into the void and never receive answers. On days where we’re feeling particularly uninspired, “hello” may seem like the best we can do even though we know it doesn’t exactly showcase our personality in the best light. Everyone will tell you that it’s a numbers game. Or luck. Or having the right intriguing conversation topics in mind. If any of us knew the right answer, we might not be swiping. Perhaps it’s simply a matter of timing. However you look at online dating and online dating apps, it can certainly make for more interesting conversations to find ice breakers that tell you more about someone than how their day is going or what they do for a living. Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
